Inbox: Ximilia

[singlelogbridge]

// Wei Wuxian

TEXT • AUDIO • VIDEO

XIMILIA

Comments

text ↪ un: torontonian

[hallowing]

bitch where the fuck do i get some good fucking 炸酱面 around here

do i have to fuck someone

kill them???

like

im getting real close to thinking its a valid life hax over here

1/2

[singlelogbridge]

i guess you could try fucking

[singlelogbridge]

[Zewu-jun]

no I literally can't even say it as a joke, it's too weird. sorry, no fucking for 炸酱面 around here. How do you feel about 热干面?

[hallowing]

did i just come dangerously close to prostitution? or did u. i can't tell. one of us did.

but 100 percent i'd suck a dick for that shit rn im fuckin' JONESIN'

i could be talked into a substitution tho

i guess

but i wouldnt be happy about it

how 🌶️🌶️🌶️

[singlelogbridge]

I'm taking pity on you, but only under the condition that if you fuck him, absolutely never tell me about it. Lan Xichen might be able to make it.

But if he makes you anything it'll be boring and bland because he's a lan and they have sad depressing palates.

my 热干面 is 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️ AND you don't even have to suck anyone's dick for it. unless that's your thing which I'm starting to suspect it is? in which case go nuts [ba-dum-tish]

[hallowing]

who is lan xichen and where do i find him immediately

but gimme the spicy shit too, i don't fuck with that weird bland baby food

and i mean if ur offering food and a dicking down i wouldn't say no

presumably ur attractive

i mean, ur funny. half the battle.

[singlelogbridge]

[He rereads his own message twice before he realizes.]

I didn't mean mine! Wow, that one's on me. I mean anyone's dick as in a general...dick? My dick is spoken for. [This is private, it is private, it is private and there is no way Itachi will ever see it—]

besides if we were gonna sleep together it would have been after that guitar solo

Lan Xichen is Zewu.jun on the network, please don't tell him I sent you

[hallowing]

awwwh! your dick is spoken for! that's literally the cutest way i've ever heard someone describe being in a relationship what the fuck. does it have a little collar and a nametag to go along with that magnificent proclamation?

who's the lucky guy/girl/enby/robot/sentient animal/fleshlight?

（ no one should let him use words ever, actually ）

i'd say my lips are sealed but i confess i am not really the most subtle duplicitous guy around. got an actor i can borrow?

[singlelogbridge]

have you ever had one of those out of body experiences where you regret every decision you've ever made???

anyway!!!

when you say you want spicy what do you mean because everyone SAYS that and then it's like 'ow ow, my tongue, why would you do this to me?'

[hallowing]

YES actually the last time it was bc i got someone's name tattooed on my ass. stupid choice. don't do it.

（ like. he can't physically be tattooed permanently, but yk. ）

what kinda punk ass bitches are u hanging out with son, damn

look if u don't melt my face off i'll be disappointed, how's that for spice

[singlelogbridge]

[All of that gets a laugh, and also what a mental image.]

no one here has any kind of spice tolerance! well except Yelena, she's great. she could also drink me under the table

and I'm gonna hold you to that. and if you do get Lan Xichen to cook for you, I'll spice it up for you, how's that?

1/2

[hallowing]

what a bunch of goobers

it's a deal.

sounds like he's into it. might take some cocksucking tho so we'll see—

[hallowing]

SHIT SORRY U ASKED NOT TO HEAR ABT IT

MY BRAIN JUST DID THE THING

FUCKING ME'S SAKE

[singlelogbridge]

Why would you do this to me??? why???

[hallowing]

i mean im a sadist so like

proly that

[singlelogbridge]

it's not that he can't have a sex life but it's weird to know it exists!!! Where I'm from he's the most refined person of an entire generation! From the most respected upright clan! He doesn't curse or drink and he was ranked number one in the list of most eligible gentlemen.

Also his brother was my best friend which makes it really awkward to hear about him like this!

[hallowing]

i'll let u know if i can make him curse

[singlelogbridge]

[WHY IS THAT SO FUNNY?]

fuck you, I laughed!

also DO NOT

[singlelogbridge]

and I was ranked 4th thanks for asking!!!

[hallowing]

oh number 4, ur first in my heart

if not for ur dick claimant, yea verily we wouldst hath banged.

[singlelogbridge]

I'm sure the sex would have been great

anyway for some reason I'm still making you noodles so come to the kitchen in 30 so I can melt your face off

[hallowing]

new fave person and i don't even know ur name

that is NOT an invitation to tell me

i need plausible deniability to combat lan xichen

[singlelogbridge]

deal. in that case call me Nie Huaisang

[hallowing]

aight

now noodle me pls b4 i die