Inbox: Ximilia

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// Wei Wuxian

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XIMILIA

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[He'd thought to word it in a way that afforded Itachi some plausible deniability, giving him the room to escape the words if he'd wanted. He'd been ready to leave if the words provoked a demand for solitude. He'd expected, well, not this. Not the direct acknowledgement of what he'd meant.

His eyes don't leave Itachi's, gaze unwavering.

For most of his life, Wei Wuxian had shied away from blatant declarations of affection. Instead he smothered the people he loved in compliments, flattery, and casual gestures of intimacy, laughing and praising them but never able to look them in the eyes and speak sincerely to the depths of his feelings. (Probably, because he feared they might reciprocate and that wasn't something he was prepared to hear.)

Then he started to lose those people and it never really stopped.

Loss changed him. Being on the Ximilia changed him. He's lost too much and left too much unsaid not to have learned his lesson.]

I remember. [He says finally, and his voice shakes despite everything, overwhelmed and so sincere it hurts.] That doesn't make it any less true.

[blackfire]

（ honest sentiment doesn't sway him. it never has. ）

Foolish.

（ but that seems to be the only refutation he makes, and then he rises from the bed. goes to the teapot left on the room's small, singular table, and begins the process of refilling his cup. with his back turned — ）

Please, leave. I would prefer to be alone.

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[Once, Wei Wuxian had made the mistake of not immediately heeding those same words.

Itachi is right, he is foolish (though not about this) but not so foolish not to learn from his mistakes. He makes quick work of gathering his own cup—fewer reminders for Itachi that way— and pulling his boots back on.

Half a dozen parting lines come to mind and he delivers none of them. They're all too tinged with kindness and affection, and even if he doesn't take the sentiment back, he won't hurt his friend with anymore of that today.

The door closes behind him quietly and then he is gone.]