Inbox: Ximilia

[singlelogbridge]

// Wei Wuxian

TEXT • AUDIO • VIDEO

XIMILIA

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[blackfire]

（ there is a hitch to his breath, barely perceptible. wei wuxian may not recognize the corner he has backed him into with the nature of that statement, but itachi does — the sword of damocles swings down. to avoid it means denying the possibility of sasuke's salvation. to endure it is to accept the dulcet agonies of being known. he is stymied by hypocrisy — have his words not cut just the same?

wei wuxian is not the type to seek vengeance for such a thing, but some part of it thinks it would be easier to accept were that the case. tolerating the recompense for the latest of his sins would be easy enough, the simple question — how differently would your lives have gone if she had but thought to be kind?

his eyes flicker briefly closed. he does not reach for what is not there — but he yearns for the familiar haze of the sharingan. ）

You shouldn't speak so confidently of what it is like to love an Uchiha. I warned you once of our tendency towards madness.

（ and its corrosive effect on them. the strength of their love coupled with the weaknesses in their souls... sometimes he wonders if their cruel end was an inevitability from the days of hagoromo on down. if not his hand, then whose? he was only the knife. clans with notable kekkei genkai flourish or perish by the whims of the villages that shelter, nurture and use them ruthlessly. to be remarkable is to accept the brand of a target on you and everyone you care for. ）

[singlelogbridge]

[He'd thought to word it in a way that afforded Itachi some plausible deniability, giving him the room to escape the words if he'd wanted. He'd been ready to leave if the words provoked a demand for solitude. He'd expected, well, not this. Not the direct acknowledgement of what he'd meant.

His eyes don't leave Itachi's, gaze unwavering.

For most of his life, Wei Wuxian had shied away from blatant declarations of affection. Instead he smothered the people he loved in compliments, flattery, and casual gestures of intimacy, laughing and praising them but never able to look them in the eyes and speak sincerely to the depths of his feelings. (Probably, because he feared they might reciprocate and that wasn't something he was prepared to hear.)

Then he started to lose those people and it never really stopped.

Loss changed him. Being on the Ximilia changed him. He's lost too much and left too much unsaid not to have learned his lesson.]

I remember. [He says finally, and his voice shakes despite everything, overwhelmed and so sincere it hurts.] That doesn't make it any less true.

[blackfire]

（ honest sentiment doesn't sway him. it never has. ）

Foolish.

（ but that seems to be the only refutation he makes, and then he rises from the bed. goes to the teapot left on the room's small, singular table, and begins the process of refilling his cup. with his back turned — ）

Please, leave. I would prefer to be alone.

[singlelogbridge]

[Once, Wei Wuxian had made the mistake of not immediately heeding those same words.

Itachi is right, he is foolish (though not about this) but not so foolish not to learn from his mistakes. He makes quick work of gathering his own cup—fewer reminders for Itachi that way— and pulling his boots back on.

Half a dozen parting lines come to mind and he delivers none of them. They're all too tinged with kindness and affection, and even if he doesn't take the sentiment back, he won't hurt his friend with anymore of that today.

The door closes behind him quietly and then he is gone.]