Inbox: Ximilia

[singlelogbridge]

// Wei Wuxian

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XIMILIA

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[blackfire]

No.

（ that alone likely speaks volumes. ）

What was the context in which you advised he seek my aid?

[singlelogbridge]

[He doesn't have time to pay much attention to the sinking feeling in his stomach at that "no" because he's too distracted by Itachi's question.]

I didn't. I...I mentioned we were friends? [Offhand in sharing a story about how he'd bent the rules of his goal.]

He went to you for help. I take it it didn't go well?

[blackfire]

He has a keen interest in familiarizing himself with the act of killing.

I was not kind in my confutation.

He requested I not speak to you on the matter — he is afraid of the possibility of your thinking badly of him — so if you reach out to him it would be best that you not speak of me.

[singlelogbridge]

[So that was it. Wei Wuxian closes his eyes and exhales softly.]

He wouldn't tell me what was bothering him. When I found him he'd been running drills for so long his hands were bleeding and the drills could hardly be called drills anymore.

I'll talk to him. [Whether he'll leave Itachi's name out of it remains to be seen. He hates that he has an idea of what Itachi might have done. How he must have cast himself as the villain as a cautionary tale.]

Did he say why he wants to excel at killing so badly? I didn't get the impression his world was much like yours or even mine.

[blackfire]

He claims to fight monsters.

But I was given to understand that he has taken a human life — or at least a sentient one — and that is the source of his internal conflict. He believes he must push past his own discomfort for the good of the 'team', citing Sabriel's recent injury as an example of something he should have prevented.

[singlelogbridge]

["He's the reason I'm here and I think he's the reason I'm so useless now."]

Yeah. I think he did too. [His friend's at that. He keeps the information from Itachi only to spare Finn his privacy and he sighs again, his heart aching.]

Dumb kid. Doesn't he know it's not supposed to be easy?

[blackfire]

He's looking for a quick solution to remove himself from such sentiment.

1/2

[singlelogbridge]

Ah, of course. I'm sure to a child it seems the natural solution. A way to ease his hurt.

[singlelogbridge]

It was easy for me once. thoughtless. the resentful energy helped. it numbs empathy and reason. heightens hatred and anger. You know I've never actually told anyone that even though it's always been true.

anyway, it was an empty way to live.

[blackfire]

( it is a long time before he replies again. then — )

I doubt very much it was ever easy for you, Wei Ying.

[singlelogbridge]

[Even in text, the appearance of his name makes him pause and close his eyes for a long moment. He replies after a longer pause than usual.]

You didn't see me when I came out of the Burial Mounds sustained only by seething hatred and a need for revenge. It was ugly, Itachi. I wasn't the man you know.

But that's not someone I'll ever be again.

[blackfire]

It was exactly the man I know.

Feeling hatred, being driven by vengeance — those things were a matter of circumstance, and justifiably so. That ugliness can be a part of you, but it is not and could never be the sum.

[singlelogbridge]

[It was all he'd ever wished for others to see in him. It was everything they'd refused to acknowledge. All of his life he'd been accepted for his parts and never as a whole.

He isn't sure what to think about feeling quite so seen.]

Itachi. I don't know if I'm the person you think I am, but I know that I really want to be.

[blackfire]

If you weren't that person, I would not speak as if you are.

（ have you really known him for almost a year and still think he's one to come away with anything but the most perilously exacting opinion of someone? smh. ）

[singlelogbridge]

[He sighs to himself, lips turning up in an exasperated but fond smile. He might not entirely believe Itachi, but he knows when not to argue.]

you're so stubborn, do you know that?

[blackfire]

It's been said.

[singlelogbridge]

Asshole. ["Affectionate."]

Alright, I'm going to go check up on Finn. I'll talk to you later.

[blackfire]

（ ✔ seen @ 19:29. ）