singlelogbridge | Inbox: Ximilia

[He turns his hand to clasp hers almost as soon as she's reached for him, holding her hand tight in his own. For a moment all he can do it shake his head, not trusting his voice. He curls closer to her instinctively.]

No.

Just the first day. When I got here. I wasn't going to do anything, but it was still in me. [He turns his head into her shoulder, continuing to speak even though he's slightly muffled.]

I never wanted to die. I always fought so hard to live. I just...I just wanted the pain to stop. I just wanted to rest.

[ gwen shifts to accommodate him. a hand still in his. the other wrapping around his back like she could somehow squeeze every terrible, dangerous thought from his mind. except the worst happened already. this isn't like newt who luckily, blessedly, failed in his goal. because he jumped or let himself fall…

the thought leaves her cold.

I'm so sorry, Wei Wuxian.

[ sorry for what he suffered. sorry he felt he needed to take such an action.

her hands find his face. gently, she tilts his head up until they are eye-to-eye. her thumb sweeps a tender arc over his cheek. ]

You are so much braver and stronger than you’re giving yourself credit for. It's rough to see that sometimes. I know from personal experience…just how rough that can be. It's so easy to see only the worst sometimes. But you are so much more than your mistakes. You're funny, and you're good, and you have such a big heart. I am so, so lucky to call you my friend.

[ her smile is heartbreakingly kind. ]

Even if you can't see that right now, I do. You can borrow my eyes until you can see it too.

[If she hadn't lifted his face up, he'd have buried it even deeper into her shoulder at her words, the kindness like a lance through his heart. He aches with it and he closes his eyes, tears slipping silently down his cheeks.

It's fine, He wants to say, but can't bring the words to pass his lips. That's probably for the best, he has a feeling she might hit him for it if he did. Instead he only sits there and continues to cry. He leans into one of her hands, marveling at the warmth in them.]

You're too good to me. [One day, not today, he'll tell her everything. He'll tell her what he'd done and why he made it to that point on that cliff. Gwen deserves that and more. For now though he only revels in her affection, weighted down by his own past but safe in the knowledge that he isn't alone.]

I promise I won't do that again. I promise.

[ gwen's heart aches powerfully in her chest. she could argue with him: he is worth every kindness in the world. she could explain how much he has come to mean to her in so little time. she could threaten him that, no, he won't do it again, because if he tries, she will web him to her permanently.

none comes close to expressing her fear or her sorrow or her love.

wordlessly, gwen rests her brow against his. she winds her arms around him. she holds him close. ]

[Wei Wuxian inhales slowly and winds his own arms around her back.

Wen Qing and Shijie were nothing alike, not really. And Gwen isn't anymore like either of them then they were like each other. Still, she holds him and he feels the echo of Shijie's arms and the warmth of Wen Qing's teasing smile. Gwen isn't a replacement for either of them, but he knows they both would have loved her.

He knows he loves her too, that she's filled a place in his heart that he didn't think would ever feel like anything but a gaping wound.

With a soft exhale, he curls his fingers around her shirt.

He can't undo the mistakes of his life. Can't take any of it back no matter how much he wants to. But sitting here with Gwen's arms wrapped around him, he wonders for the first time if maybe...maybe moving forward in this second chance at life (however undeserved) is okay.]

Inbox: Ximilia

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject