singlelogbridge | Inbox: Ximilia

[The expression change is immediate and significant, the playful curiosity fading into discomfort as he brings a hand up to rub a finger across the bridge of his nose.]

Ah...that. [It's clear it's not something he enjoys talking about and he goes silent again for a bit, before eventually sighing. If there's anyone who has a right to know, it's Jake.]

Well, hmm. There was a time when I was young when I was on my own, living on the streets. [It doesn't bother him to admit as much, that was the way of the world sometimes is all.] It wasn't so bad really, but ah...sometimes it was difficult to find food.

And there were street dogs that would come after whatever I had. It's...don't apologize for that, it would be weird. [Jake wasn't one of the dogs snapping at him and taking bites out of him in an effort to steal his meal, and anyway, in a deep deep rational part of his mind, even Wei Wuxian knows that the dogs were just hungry. (That deep rational part of his mind is simply much quieter than the rest of it that remembers what running from a hungry dog was like.)]

[ The occasional twitches of the nose and ears fade into a stillness as Jake listens, the verisimilitude of his impression falling by the wayside in favor of keeping his attention centered on Wei Wuxian. It's a private moment he's being invited in on, that much is obvious even before he asks the question.

A small boy, hungry and desperate for food, having to fight for it alone against dogs that should have known better than to pick on someone so small. Jake could remember more than a few hungry nights back in that hazy period between leaving his gang and Finn growing old enough to hold a sword without falling over.

Finn wouldn't remember them, though. Unlike the heartbreaking story Wei Wuxian shared, that little boy had a dog who always made sure he ate first. ]

You're right, it would be kinda weird. [ He says, punctuating the gentle sentiment with a deep breath. ] That stuff from your childhood, it sticks to you. Finny couldn't go near an ocean without having a panic attack for the longest time, and he didn't even remember why.

[ Another breath, warmed with a smile this time. ]

World isn't always kind to little ones. You knowing that first hand, it's probably what makes you so great with 'em. Your son's a lucky kid, Wei Wuxian.

[ Jake is certain that, despite the disparate courses of their lives chartered in startlingly different worlds, Sizhui always ate first too. ]

[It's the right way to transition the topic and it shows in the way his face immediately softens, eyes flickering to the side as if expecting Sizhui to walk in at any moment. He's in the kitchen cooking—he can hear him from here—and just the reminder of his presence eases most of his tensions away.]

He had harder times than I ever did even before we met. That kid's been through hell but...after I met him, I did my best to make it easier on him. He was too young to understand how bad we had it and everyone did their part for him. [He wasn't the only one that like Jake would forego what little food they had to make sure their little a-Yuan didn't go to sleep hungry.]

Anyway, he ended up somewhere better. Somewhere he didn't have to worry about anything like that ever again.

[ It's hard to know where to interject in a retelling of someone else's own life. The thought of a child alone and uncared for on the street, struggling to survive and fighting off dogs for what little food he could find, hardly seemed like the kind of childhood that paled in comparison to another. At least, no childhood Jake cared to even attempt imagining.

Which is why he doesn't dispute the claim, no matter how strongly he feels drawn to do so. Because at the end of the day, the limits of a dog's imagination didn't mean much of anything measured against the world of human cruelty. ]

I remember you saying so. [ Jake mentions, carefully, recalling back to one of their first conversations. There's a smile in his tone as he recollects it, however muted it may be by the persistent image of Wei Wuxian's own childhood stuck in Jake's mind. ] How's it feel, having him back again all grown up?

[How does it feel? Wei Wuxian dips his head and closes his eyes, shaking his head once as a smile pulls at his lips.]

Incredible. The terms we parted on were...[He grimaces.] When I arrived here, I was under the impression he didn't make it. But there was a man here at that time from my world, Zewu-jun. The Orbers called him Lan Xichen. [A liberty he never felt comfortable taking.] He left shortly before your arrival. Anyway, Zewu-jun let me know that he was rescued from that bad situation and had grown happy and healthy to adulthood.

It was enough just knowing. I never expected to meet him. [His eyes shine brightly up at Jake, and his smile is impossibly soft and impossibly fond.]

Every day with him here is a gift.

Edited 2023-07-06 04:19 (UTC)

[ It's not the first time that Wei Wuxian said something that hit Jake strangely, telling in such a way that he couldn't be sure if Wei Wuxian slipped into sharing something hidden about himself or hidden about Jake.

Every day with him a gift? How many times had he found himself thinking the exact same thing?

Jake shakes it off bodily, rabbit ears flapping a little as he recenters himself. ]

Finding out he was alive after all that, it must've been... can't even imagine it, man. [ He he rubs a paw against his nose, foot thumping antsily as he thinks back to the bad situation in question. ] I can't imagine a guy goes on living after believing you've lost someone like that.

[ Jake doesn't realize how loaded the statement is until it's already coming out of his mouth, settling between them two of them with newfound heaviness. ]

Edited 2023-07-06 04:50 (UTC)

[Until now, Wei Wuxian has been speaking without thought, but it's this statement that reminds him just what Jake is and isn't aware of about his life (and lack thereof.) He hesitates for a moment and the sudden change in awareness shows in his expression. After a pregnant pause, he makes up his mind. (He doesn't like keeping it a secret, it's just he never knows how to bring it up without making people feel like they need to feel bad for him.)]

Ah. Well. I didn't. Have to. [He keeps his eyes on Jake the whole time, and if Jake questions the sincerity of the statement, it's plain as day to see this is the truth.]

It's actually a fairly long and involved story, but the short of it is that Sizhui had been classified as something of a war criminal along with the rest of his family. [And then, immediately] None of them were. They were the just...farmers and doctors. The elderly and in Sizhui's case, an adorable three year old child. [His mouth flickers with the echo of a smile before it disappears again.]

They were from the same bloodline as a tyrant and that was enough to seal their fates. I took them and hid them and protected them for as long as I could but...it wasn't ever going to last forever. I made a mistake. As a result, I wasn't able to protect them, and his family was...well. Anyway, I died assuming the worst. I didn't find out he'd been rescued in secret and raised as a Lan until Zewu-jun told me.

[ If a moment can be somehow both extraordinary and mundane, this one somehow manages it. And it's the mundane that stands out most starkly to Jake now, even as Wei Wuxian winds dread about his shoulders with each earnestly delivered word. The lack of tension lines in the young man's face, how his tone dips with unvoiced laughter in places, and even the way word of his own death comes less like a secret and more like a stray thought... as if Wei Wuxian stumbled upon the topic by simple happenstance.

The dread is at his neck now, pulled tight by the injustice woven through Wei Wuxian's tale.

I don't think death is something you ever get used to, even when it lives at your side. It aches every time.

Jake takes a few meditative breaths, allowing the sense-memory of newly dead trees and extinct birds to turn the painful pressure of that dread into a warm embrace. ]

And now you're here, and he's here, and you're together again. [ The rabbit smiles, small paws crossing in front of him. ] Y'know, there's a saying in an old book of mine... "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."

[ For the briefest moment, Jake remembers the desolate planet he'd left behind to answer Viveca's call. No life grew there; nothing to weed, nothing to seed. He would go back there one day, to choke out his last few starving breaths alone under his father's grave. Were Jake still Wei Wuxian's age, the thought of such a lonely death would have terrified him; he'd make any deal the Orbs offered him to cling onto just one more second of life.

He was older now. Old enough to recognize the weight of tragedy aging a person far past their years. ]

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." [ The quotation is punctuated by a chuckle as Jake scrubs a paw against his eye, wicking away the moisture collecting there. ] I dunno how far you are on your journey to becoming that person, man, but something tells me he's gonna blow us all away. I hope I'm here to meet him.

[ There's a beat of pause before Jake punctuates the moment with a still slightly-teary wink. ]

Y'know, from a respectful distance.

[The smile that crosses his face is bright and excited in a subdued kind of way. Lao Tzu he recognizes. Of course Jake would know his work. He chuckles under his breath and shakes his head, not unmindful of the brightness in Jake's eyes.

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. He can't say he disagrees.

Of all the strange and wonderous things he's encountered in his time on the Ximilia, he never could have imagined a dog crying for him. If Jake were with him in person, even if he were his dog self and not disguised as a rabbit, Wei Wuxian thinks he'd have the courage to reach out and stroke along his head, at least once.]

Who knows if they'll end up on the Ximilia, but who's to say in my next life I won't be someone who loves dogs? [He returns that wink. There's also the chance he could be a dog next time around, but even the thought makes him shiver and he won't voice it in case that teases the universe into making it real.]

For now, I'm content. [He pauses and then shakes his head.] No, I'm happy. I'm surrounded by people I love, exploring the farthest reaches of the universe, seeing sights I never could have imagined. How could I not be happy?

[That sincere smile doesn't waver even once.]

Couldn't have said it better myself, bro. [ You could hardly call the two men mirrors of each other; one an extremely pleasant looking young human and the other a rough approximation of a rabbit with gray fur peppering his face in dusty patches. Even so, the smile Wei Wuxian offers is returned from Jake with identical sentiment.

How could they not be happy, really? ]

I should probably get back to my man's best friend gig. [ It's spoken around a yawn, betraying just how tired Jake really was. It was still quite early by the Federation clock, but Emerton was a pathologically early riser. Wouldn't be more than an hour before the man was shuffling about his morning routine, Jake waddling dutifully after him. ] Thanks for keeping me company, dude.

Edited 2023-07-08 02:04 (UTC)

[The brightness of his smile lowers to a simmer and he nods.]

Thank you for being a bunny. And for listening. [A pause and then.] I'm going to do my best to...to be able to make it so you don't always have to be a bunny. [Because even if Jake is willing, it seems silly to ask someone he cares about never to be themselves around him.]

I hope you don't mind being patient in the meantime.

Edited 2023-07-08 02:07 (UTC)

[ Jake quirks his nose at the offer, genuine surprise giving way to a spontaneous grin. All things being equal, it was the kind of earnest expression that would look far less natural on a dog than it did on a rabbit. ]

That's... I dunno what to say man, I know that's not a small deal. Thank you. [ Jake means it, yellow cotton tail wagging involuntarily. The genuineness of Jake's reaction was rapidly eroding the illusion's verisimilitude, but it was a worthy sacrifice. ] Take as long as you need.

[ If there was one nice thing about being on borrowed time, it was knowing the value of asking for more. ]

Sleep tight, dude.

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