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Uh-huh.

[ very casual. extremely cool. definitely doesn’t have a crush, at all.

mal makes a point of studying the rules a moment longer, underlining a few with her finger. ]

I have questions. It says here, and I quote— [ she clears her throat to make sure she enunciates clearly— ] “Lan Zhan’s assistance will be called on at any sightings or encounters with dogs or other canine-adjacent nightmares. He must always defend Wei Ying from such monsters.”

[ she lowers the paper, but does not set it down. ]

Were you attacked by a dog as a child?

[ kudos to her, she manages to make it sound like an actual, genuine, seeking to understand in order to empathize question. it helps that she knew carlos during his dog-phobic days, though even then she thought it absurd, and this too might just be the funniest thing she has seen. (the entire list is, in fact, but she’ll go over it all one by one. oh, will she go over it.) ]

[Wei Wuxian grins in an effort to conceal his increasing nerves that he is feeling for no reason other than something about Mal's perfectly reasonable expression. (Her far too reasonable expression.) He represses the urge to snatch the paper from her hands, aware that it would be...revealing.]

A dog? [He asks, incredulity in his voice and only some of it for the way she says "Lan Zhan" and a part of him revolts with it.]

No, because a dog implies one, when in reality, there were many, all the time, every day! And don't you try and tell me how sweet and cuddly they are, I don't want to hear it! I will not be swayed.

Edited 2020-11-16 00:32 (UTC)

Hey. [ she holds up her hands (paper still held safely in one) in surrender. ] I'm not here to convince you. My friend was terrified of them. He didn't want to leave the Isle because there are dogs in Auradon.

[ you know how one's mother picks the creature she hates most and turns into the boogeyman under the bed for her only child. normal. and carlos now sleeps with dude on his bed. but mal has a feeling wei ying won't appreciate that tidbit and she has questions still.

so. moving on. ]

Second question, what counts as a "ridiculous, nice thing"?

[He huffs and falls into the cot net to her, reaching for the paper with one hand.]

Why does everyone want to know that? [Everyone being Mal and Lan Wangji apparently.]

You know, [He waves a hand in the air] Nice things! Ridiculous compliments! Lan Zhan has this thing where he-ugh, it doesn't matter, he knows what it means and it's a rule for him anyway. [Lan Wangji does not in fact understand the rule as he too had asked for clarification but that is not the point.]

[ mal moves the paper out of his reach. ]

Does that mean I can say ridiculous, nice things and you won't stop speaking to me for… [ checks notes, ] ten minutes? At least?

[He narrows his eyes but pauses to consider. After a very long moment of silence he gives her a slow tentative nod.]

You have far less ammo. [He crosses his arms and gives her a stern look.]

But I am not promising anything! Don't push your luck! Anyway you came here for a reason I presume? What have you been up to today? Do you want to go see if they are showing any movies tonight?

Edited 2020-11-16 01:04 (UTC)

Oh, no. [ she holds up a finger in warning at him. ]

I'm not finished with my questions yet. You don't get to change the subject.

[Wei Wuixan huffs and throws himself backwards so that he is lying on the cot, his feet still planted on the ground.]

Who said it was for you to have questions on anyway! [But he doesn't reach for the paper again. Not yet at least.]

Edited 2020-11-16 01:08 (UTC)

All right, [ she says fairly. ] Just one last one.

[ mal lowers the paper to her lap, and meets wei wuxian's eyes. ]

How long have you had feelings for your Lan Zhan?

Edited 2020-11-16 01:20 (UTC)

[In his haste to do—something—Wei Wuxian rolls off of the cot and lands on his ass, though he manages to jump to his feet a moment later completely uninterrupted by the fall, his expression one of shock and terror.]

MAL! [His own loudness startles him and his eyes dart around after to make sure that none of the stares are...that none of them are familiar.]

Don't be ridiculous! [His shout this time is far more contained despite the flush of color high in his cheeks.] Lan Zhan is my—[And he struggles for a moment, because "friend," even "best friend," does not properly convey what Lan Wangji is to him, but there is no word that the language supplies when he tries to think of one, so he concedes] best friend!

He's...Lan Zhan is—[He lets out a strangled sort of exhale and lunges forward.]

Give me that! [And he reaches for the paper again, suddenly feeling like maybe it says more than he wants it to.]

Clearly, it is giving your overactive imagination all of these strange ideas!

What? —Hey!

[ mal falls back with an undignified squeak, arm thrown out to keep wei wuxian from accidentally ripping the paper in his haste to rip it away from her. ]

Careful! You'll ruin your rules!

[ she holds her arm bent at the elbow between her and grabby mcgrabberson. ]

How is that even strange? You get flustered just talking about him, you keep his rules on your bed— [ pause as she examines the rules again. ] Which he even wrote in calligraphy for you. Is that what that is? That's really cute.

[OH MY GOD MAL WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO HIM? He chokes on air and reaches for it again.]

I do not! And where else would I keep them? [He lets out another high pitched noise and climbs over the cot to try and take them back from the other side.]

Lan Zhan always writes rules in calligraphy, okay? His stupid sect has—it has over 3000 of them! This is just what he does with rules!

[ scrambling to her feet on the other side!! ]

Wei Wuxian!

[ ok, no, this is rapidly regressing into a dragon hall dash, someone needs to be the adult, and it looks like the only candidate is her. ]

Okay, look, I will give it back! But you have to calm down!

I'm calm! [It would help if he wasn't still shouting and his face gets a little redder with the thought. He sighs dramatically and raises his hands in the air, breathing out and leveling his voice.]

I'm completely calm. The calmest. You'll never meet anyone as calm as me.

[ he's a liar is what he is, but she truly didn't mean to upset him. returning his belongings is the quickest way to make amends and she does just that, offering the paper back not a crease or bend or tear to marks its last harrowing seconds. ]

Honestly… [ she sighs. ] You'd think I brought up something forbidden.

[ a pause. ]

You…can have relationships, right? [ he's a massive flirt, but he has never tried anything more. not that she encouraged him, considering.

maybe it's lan wangji who can't. he certainly seems a more sober sort. ]

[He takes the paper back with a sigh of relief, feeling immediately less exposed. Then he stares at Mal and is somehow even redder than before.]

I...[What does that even mean.]

No one is stopping me, if that's what you mean, but I have no intentions of courting anyone. Ever. [For as big of a flirt he is, it's perhaps becoming painfully obvious that he is 100% talk.]

It's. Um. Allowed, but...[And isn't that a Pandora's box of a subject? He sighs and sits back down on the cot, gesturing for her to join him.]

Back home I...[His brow furrows as he attempts to offer her an explanation that is truthful without getting into all of the messiness.]

I am not a good match. For anyone. I have made choices...ah, mistakes. I have made mistakes that have come with a cost. [He snorts and sets the paper down finally, carefully moving it out of the way so that he won't accidentally wrinkle it. His expression when he looks up again is one of wry amusement and he shrugs.]

You could consider me, the least eligible bachelor in my world. [Quite a drop from his number four spot.]

Hard to picture that, actually.

[ mal follows along with his wry tone as she sinks back onto the cot next to him. a moment later, she presses her lips into a moue. ]

I'm sorry. I know about life altering mistakes. [ she quirks a rueful, half-smile smile his way. ] You don't have to tell me what happened if you don't want.

For what it's worth, though, I think you'd make someone a wonderful partner one day. Even a… [ she pauses to remember his exact words, pouting a little in thought, ] three-thousand-rule-having, stick-in-the-mud.

[That first comment pulls a laugh from him and he shakes his head, listening but growing quiet again, lost in thought. There is a part of him, however small, that would like to tell her. Maybe not everything, but most of it. But it would only make the parts he could not tell hurt more.

And if he told her of those things, he isn't sure she'd ever look at him the same again.]

Haha, very funny. It's not happening for me. That's alright though, I've made my peace with it. [His voice is soft and only the slightest bit wistful.]

I suppose I'll just have to live vicariously through your engagement to your Ben, hmm?

My Ben isn't here, [ mal points out even as saying it makes her throat threaten to close.

she smiles through it. he's safe. worried out of his mind, but safe. and she will be with him soon. ]

Guess we're both living through my memories.

[Wei Wuxian leans over, bumping her shoulder lightly with his own.]

Guess you'll just have to live with me spoiling you in his stead until you get back. [He winks at her.]

[ she laughs. ]

Spoiling. Ah, yes, nothing like getting lunged at and chased around a cot to feel, [ she taps his nose lightly, ] terribly spoiled.

[Wei Wuxian freezes at that nose tap, whatever nonsense he was about to say lost in the blink of an eyes as he ducks his head and then turns away to laugh, his heart thudding painfully in his chest. For a moment he thinks he'll lose it entirely, just break open right in front of Mal, all the tension, anger, and grief spilling out at once.

"Shijie," he'd asked, "Why do people like other people? Isn't that like haltering your own neck?" She'd laughed at him of course before tapping him lightly on the nose, affection bleeding from her smile.

Somehow, he reins it in. Blinking back up at Mal and forcing a lopsided smile back onto his face.]

You're right of course. I'll make it up to you then. Would you like a song? [He pulls out his flute and taps it against his thigh.]

Or perhaps more liquor? Tell me how I can make up for such a grievance.

[ mal did something. said something. (when doesn’t she?) the question remains behind her teeth. she did something, but they’re not at the point where she feels comfortable questioning him, especially after his reaction to her earlier interrogation. she doesn’t want to risk her only friend in this place.

so when wei wuxian changes the subject again, she goes along with it. ]

I’ll take a song. [ she smiles. ] Play me something happy.

[Smiling now in earnest, he nods, putting Chenqing to his lips and beginning to play.]

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cw: nose boops. look away please

the sound I made