[Wei Wuxian blinks. There's a whisper of something in the back of his mind that might be annoyance, but it's too faint to grasp. He's still adjusting to everything. This place. Being alive.]
I don't want any of it. That explains nothing, I'm not supposed to be here. I'm supposed to be somewhere else. [Probably. Maybe. God he doesn't even known anymore.]
Is this...no it can't be in between worlds...why would it be like this? [He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, cringing as the stretch of it pulls on the wound in his chest hidden beneath his robes, and wow. Okay. Pain is a thing he's feeling. Because he's alive.]
Why am I here? [He frowns, finally taking note of the man's brightly glowing hand. It looks like a talisman, though he's never seen one quite so green.] And who are you?
[Simon is not usually the one to give the Apex spiel to a newcomer, as he lacks Grace's undeniable charisma and mastery of sweet talk. However, for a passenger who is slightly older and perhaps less impressionable, the blonde might actually be a better sell.
Seemingly, there is almost nothing threatening about this mild mannered boy with a nasally voice and slender build. If Wuxian were to pay attention to his attire, he would notice that a lot of the pieces, while functional, seem as though they were constructed from bits and bobs you would be able to find on the train. His shoes, though styled in the shape of sandals and worn over ankle length socks, are strung together from metals of different colors. The young man definitely seems like the kind of person who prefers tinkering with gadgets over talking to people.]
Why you're here? Well, that's easy.
You're here because the train chose you to recognize your full potential. You do that by getting your number up as high as possible.
[Simon pulls down the sleeve of his white hoodie to reveal not just a glowing palm but a string of numbers that extend all the way to his elbow.]
I'm not usually the type to brag about this kinda stuff, but, heh-
[what a disgusting, nerdy little laugh i'm gonna kill him]
I've worked pretty hard to get my number up this high. I'm a part of this really cool group called the Apex, and our leader?
She's got a number even higher than mine.
You should join us! I mean, it beats being alone on this thing by a longshot.
[Its a lot of information at once, most of which he factors out as useless. All this talk of numbers and raising scores. It takes him a moment to remember his own number, the one he'd found on his hand after waking, and he glances at it now, staring at it with a dull exhausted gaze. 74. He should ask what it stands for. 74 what? But he can't bring himself to care.]
Potential? [His voice is quiet and he laughs, a bitter tired sound.]
I don't want to be here. I don't have anything to offer anyone. [He closes his fingers into a fist and lets out a shaky sigh before letting his hand fall back to his side.]
If this is supposed to be a mercy, I don't want it. Is this train—is it a god of some kind? An immortal?
[It's here where Simon steps over the rubble and gets closer, a gesture meant that's meant to be comforting.]
That's no way to talk about yourself! You're here. That means you've definitely got what it takes to be a pro at this thing.
[He rests a hand on Wuxian's shoulder, squeezing gently.]
And uh, I don't know if I would call it a god? It's more of just... A place. A place for special people.
[Usually, this kind of talk would start him on a long speech about the evil False conductor and other things, but Simon remembers how he felt when he got here. Too many words may not be the right choice of action, especially for a stray who already wants to go home.]
It can be pretty scary at first, I'm not gonna lie, but with the right friends?
It's a total blast.
[he lets go bc um
wow haha thats a very nice... firm shoulder u got there]
[There are so many things wrong with what the man—Simon—is saying. So many piece that don't fit. Special? Sure. He was special. He had achieved impossible things. Done things others couldn't have possibly dreamed of. He was brilliant and creative, a dangerous combination. He was so special he ruined everything he touched. So unique, so arrogant as to believe he had the ability to control forces never meant to be controlled that his hands were stained with blood that could never be washed away.]
Wei Wuxian. [He answers that question because it's the first thing he can wrap his mind around. Then he pauses and continues.]
I'm not scared. I don't want to have a blast. I don't want friends. I want to be where I'm supposed to be. [His hands are shaking now and he steps to the side, leaning against one of the walls and taking another shaky breath. This isn't right. None of this is right. There's a pressure building inside of him, something like fear compressed with stress. He shouldn't be feeling this because he shouldn't be feeling anything.
He knows what it's like to have arrived on this train feeling lost, gravitating towards anything that seemed familiar or helpful. That's why he had made the mistake of trusting Samantha, because her words seemed so wise and smart and correct, as if she knew the answers to everything.
And then she abandoned him.
It would be terrible to just leave... err, wooway??? waywu?? shi... anne??? here by himself to suffer an even worse fate.]
Well, if you think about it, it kind of is.
[oh nO]
Like, whatever was bothering you when you got here... It is over.
It's done. You just get to start all over again and be whoever you wanna be.
[It's the first thing Simon has said that has made any sense, even if it's not nearly as much as he would have wished. It is over, at least somewhat. He isn't there anymore. It's gone.
Still. Still, his heart aches and he closes his eyes, shaking his head.]
I don't want to start over. I'm supposed to be dead. [He slides to the ground then, sitting down and lifting one hand to his chest, rubbing at the wound. If he was lucky, it would kill him, but he knows already that it's not going to. The resentful energy had healed most of the damage even while it damaged him in other ways.]
[Just the thought of it makes his insides churn and his breathing faster, returning him to that fateful moment as a child. Being chased by an ugly monster at least three times his size was bad enough, but the worst thing about it was the dread, the dread and not knowing what would happen if-]
You don't even know what happens when you... Um.
[Shake it off, shake it off Simon.
Usually if they can't manage to convince a passenger, the Apex will leave and continue on its way. His feet remained glued to the spot, however, tethered there by his fears.
He needs Grace. Where is Grace? Where are the others?]
Like, I know people talk about all the stuff that happens after y-you...
[He inhales sharply.]
And the places people are supposed go, but...
[A nervous gulp.]
What if it's just nothing?
[The train is so much better than nothing.]
Edited (i'm so sorry for these edits rip) 2021-01-18 09:19 (UTC)
[Another time, he might tell him that he does know. Of course he knows, at least in the general sense. Hadn't he fought ghosts and unrestful spirits for his entire adult life? Hadn't he put them to rest to enter back into the cycle and be born again? But this place is nothing like his home. It must be far. Far enough that people don't know these things here. Perhaps don't have cultivators at all.
He could say any of that. Explain. He doesn't though. It's irrelevant.
What if it's just nothing?
His lips curve up into a mirthless smile. What he would give for nothing. What he would give to simply stop.]
Nothing is more than I deserve. [Endless, quiet bliss. Where he can do no harm.]
[Simon has trouble returning to the conversation at first, too distracted by the fact that the very act of breathing seems to have become slightly more difficult. Grace is not around to snap him out of it, so he retreats to a familiar gesture and grasps one sleeve of his hoodie with the opposite hand, clinging to the fabric until he feels some semblance of normalcy returning.
It is then when he catches a whiff of a familiar odor. Metallic.]
Wait a minute.
[Simon steps uncomfortably close to Wuxian, unaware that he's crossed what most would consider a normal physical boundary. He grabs the other's shoulder on the side farthest from the hand that rests on the warrior's chest, noting the red liquid that's seeped through dark fabric.]
You're bleeding.
[In Simon's mind, the blood loss serves as an explanation for the man's peculiar words and strange behavior. Detail oriented as he may be, to say that the Apex's second-in-command struggles with understanding different points of view would be a vast understatement.
[His brow furrows and he lifts a hand to his lips, frowning when his fingers come away clean. Then he remembers most of that blood had already been wiped away when he'd woken up. Confused, it takes him a moment to remember the arrow that had pierced his chest what feels like both months and hours ago.
He sets a hand on his robe, just above the tear where blood has begun to show even through the black.]
Oh. I got shot. [He doesn't shrug, but he might as well for as much as he seems to be concerned about this.]
Simon momentarily considers leaving Wuxian right then and there. He's done many a rag-tag wound repair, but patching up a gunshot wound and removing the bullet? Not only would that frankly be disgusting, but the procedure would also be incredibly risky.
Then again, on all his time on the train, he's never quite met a passenger like this before. Tall, around their age, and if he healed properly, the Apex could get good use out of him. Little kids had a lot of energy and were easy to command, but someone with Wuxian's build sure would be helpful in a pinch.
So, Simon pulls what looks to be hand towel from his hoodie pocket.]
I knew I shoulda brought more First-Aid.
[He aggressively throw's the other's arm over his shoulder with one hand, shoving the cloth over the injury with the other.]
Hold this. Press hard, otherwise it won't stop any of that red gunk from comin' out.
I learned that the hard way.
[He's just gonna... guide u towards the Apex... wwx...]
[Wei Wuxian is silent in response, his eyes flickering to Simon and then away again. He allows himself to be led without fuss, though he doesn't follow suit with Simon's orders. Most of the wound has already healed, and even if it hadn't, he's not exactly inclined to care at the moment.
He sighs quietly under his breath, exhausted but beginning to accept that his death wasn't going to be the end he'd wished it to be.]
That's kind of you, but I'm alright. [If rations here are limited, he's not going to take from someone who doesn't have much. His life is hardly worth the sacrifice. Also, not that he's concerned with this sort of thing right now, but he has no idea what bologna is.]
The wound isn't that bad. You don't need to waste your supplies.
Whatever, the Apex needed all the strength it could get. So Simon continues the nice guy act.]
It's okay! Really.
We always manage somehow. Yup, yup! That's the Apex way.
[Simon chuckles, the sound oddly benign, innocent.]
Besides, I've never met any other guys around here with long hair like me! Might help me convince Grace that the whole ponytail thing actually is cool look after all.
[He doesn't know what to say about the hair thing since he's never met a single person who wasn't a criminal who didn't have long hair but, it's probably another difference here, even if it's one that strikes him as strange. (Who would disrespect their parents that way?) Anyway, he doesn't want to talk about that so instead he focuses on the rest of what Simon is saying.
Whatever this is, wherever this is, if he's going to do anything about it, he should at least start gathering some information.]
The Apex. You said that was a group. What is it? What's your purpose?
[Simon's posture immediately stiffens, his casually jovial tone wearing off. The conviction with which he delivers the following words contrasts sharply with his conversation from before.]
As members of the Apex, it's our responsibility to keep passengers safe by helping them harness their true power.
[At the mention of "harnessing true power" Wei Wuxian's stomach turns itself over and he glances away, but the first part at least. That sounds noble. (Though he is hardly one to assume noble intentions always worked out well.) But this man is not him and this situation is not his.]
Passengers? [Simon is the first person he's seen here so far. He hadn't even known there were others.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I don't want any of it. That explains nothing, I'm not supposed to be here. I'm supposed to be somewhere else. [Probably. Maybe. God he doesn't even known anymore.]
Is this...no it can't be in between worlds...why would it be like this? [He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, cringing as the stretch of it pulls on the wound in his chest hidden beneath his robes, and wow. Okay. Pain is a thing he's feeling. Because he's alive.]
Why am I here? [He frowns, finally taking note of the man's brightly glowing hand. It looks like a talisman, though he's never seen one quite so green.] And who are you?
no subject
[Simon is not usually the one to give the Apex spiel to a newcomer, as he lacks Grace's undeniable charisma and mastery of sweet talk. However, for a passenger who is slightly older and perhaps less impressionable, the blonde might actually be a better sell.
Seemingly, there is almost nothing threatening about this mild mannered boy with a nasally voice and slender build. If Wuxian were to pay attention to his attire, he would notice that a lot of the pieces, while functional, seem as though they were constructed from bits and bobs you would be able to find on the train. His shoes, though styled in the shape of sandals and worn over ankle length socks, are strung together from metals of different colors. The young man definitely seems like the kind of person who prefers tinkering with gadgets over talking to people.]
Why you're here? Well, that's easy.
You're here because the train chose you to recognize your full potential. You do that by getting your number up as high as possible.
[Simon pulls down the sleeve of his white hoodie to reveal not just a glowing palm but a string of numbers that extend all the way to his elbow.]
I'm not usually the type to brag about this kinda stuff, but, heh-
[what a disgusting, nerdy little laugh i'm gonna kill him]
I've worked pretty hard to get my number up this high. I'm a part of this really cool group called the Apex, and our leader?
She's got a number even higher than mine.
You should join us! I mean, it beats being alone on this thing by a longshot.
no subject
Potential? [His voice is quiet and he laughs, a bitter tired sound.]
I don't want to be here. I don't have anything to offer anyone. [He closes his fingers into a fist and lets out a shaky sigh before letting his hand fall back to his side.]
If this is supposed to be a mercy, I don't want it. Is this train—is it a god of some kind? An immortal?
no subject
[It's here where Simon steps over the rubble and gets closer, a gesture meant that's meant to be comforting.]
That's no way to talk about yourself! You're here. That means you've definitely got what it takes to be a pro at this thing.
[He rests a hand on Wuxian's shoulder, squeezing gently.]
And uh, I don't know if I would call it a god? It's more of just... A place. A place for special people.
[Usually, this kind of talk would start him on a long speech about the evil False conductor and other things, but Simon remembers how he felt when he got here. Too many words may not be the right choice of action, especially for a stray who already wants to go home.]
It can be pretty scary at first, I'm not gonna lie, but with the right friends?
It's a total blast.
[he lets go bc um
wow haha thats a very nice... firm shoulder u got there]
What's your name?
no subject
Wei Wuxian. [He answers that question because it's the first thing he can wrap his mind around. Then he pauses and continues.]
I'm not scared. I don't want to have a blast. I don't want friends. I want to be where I'm supposed to be. [His hands are shaking now and he steps to the side, leaning against one of the walls and taking another shaky breath. This isn't right. None of this is right. There's a pressure building inside of him, something like fear compressed with stress. He shouldn't be feeling this because he shouldn't be feeling anything.
It was supposed to be over.]
Why isn't it over?
1/2
[ASDLKFJASLDKFJSDKJFSKDJF this stuPID WHITE BOY]
2/2
He knows what it's like to have arrived on this train feeling lost, gravitating towards anything that seemed familiar or helpful. That's why he had made the mistake of trusting Samantha, because her words seemed so wise and smart and correct, as if she knew the answers to everything.
And then she abandoned him.
It would be terrible to just leave... err, wooway??? waywu?? shi... anne??? here by himself to suffer an even worse fate.]
Well, if you think about it, it kind of is.
[oh nO]
Like, whatever was bothering you when you got here... It is over.
It's done. You just get to start all over again and be whoever you wanna be.
no subject
Still. Still, his heart aches and he closes his eyes, shaking his head.]
I don't want to start over. I'm supposed to be dead. [He slides to the ground then, sitting down and lifting one hand to his chest, rubbing at the wound. If he was lucky, it would kill him, but he knows already that it's not going to. The resentful energy had healed most of the damage even while it damaged him in other ways.]
this is so much worse if u kno... um
That hurts.]
But why would you want to be dead?
[Just the thought of it makes his insides churn and his breathing faster, returning him to that fateful moment as a child. Being chased by an ugly monster at least three times his size was bad enough, but the worst thing about it was the dread, the dread and not knowing what would happen if-]
You don't even know what happens when you... Um.
[Shake it off, shake it off Simon.
Usually if they can't manage to convince a passenger, the Apex will leave and continue on its way. His feet remained glued to the spot, however, tethered there by his fears.
He needs Grace. Where is Grace? Where are the others?]
Like, I know people talk about all the stuff that happens after y-you...
[He inhales sharply.]
And the places people are supposed go, but...
[A nervous gulp.]
What if it's just nothing?
[The train is so much better than nothing.]
SOON I WILL
He could say any of that. Explain. He doesn't though. It's irrelevant.
What if it's just nothing?
His lips curve up into a mirthless smile. What he would give for nothing. What he would give to simply stop.]
Nothing is more than I deserve. [Endless, quiet bliss. Where he can do no harm.]
no subject
It is then when he catches a whiff of a familiar odor. Metallic.]
Wait a minute.
[Simon steps uncomfortably close to Wuxian, unaware that he's crossed what most would consider a normal physical boundary. He grabs the other's shoulder on the side farthest from the hand that rests on the warrior's chest, noting the red liquid that's seeped through dark fabric.]
You're bleeding.
[In Simon's mind, the blood loss serves as an explanation for the man's peculiar words and strange behavior. Detail oriented as he may be, to say that the Apex's second-in-command struggles with understanding different points of view would be a vast understatement.
He utters a resigned sigh.]
Ugh, no wonder you're talkin' crazy.
no subject
He sets a hand on his robe, just above the tear where blood has begun to show even through the black.]
Oh. I got shot. [He doesn't shrug, but he might as well for as much as he seems to be concerned about this.]
1/2 sorry for this long tag omg
Simon momentarily considers leaving Wuxian right then and there. He's done many a rag-tag wound repair, but patching up a gunshot wound and removing the bullet? Not only would that frankly be disgusting, but the procedure would also be incredibly risky.
Then again, on all his time on the train, he's never quite met a passenger like this before. Tall, around their age, and if he healed properly, the Apex could get good use out of him. Little kids had a lot of energy and were easy to command, but someone with Wuxian's build sure would be helpful in a pinch.
So, Simon pulls what looks to be hand towel from his hoodie pocket.]
I knew I shoulda brought more First-Aid.
[He aggressively throw's the other's arm over his shoulder with one hand, shoving the cloth over the injury with the other.]
Hold this. Press hard, otherwise it won't stop any of that red gunk from comin' out.
I learned that the hard way.
[He's just gonna... guide u towards the Apex... wwx...]
2/2
I'm pretty sure we're low on rations but...
[is that a smile... wtf
It even seems genuine.]
You can have my half of the bologne sandwich. I wasn't really hungry anyway.
no subject
He sighs quietly under his breath, exhausted but beginning to accept that his death wasn't going to be the end he'd wished it to be.]
That's kind of you, but I'm alright. [If rations here are limited, he's not going to take from someone who doesn't have much. His life is hardly worth the sacrifice. Also, not that he's concerned with this sort of thing right now, but he has no idea what bologna is.]
The wound isn't that bad. You don't need to waste your supplies.
no subject
Whatever, the Apex needed all the strength it could get. So Simon continues the nice guy act.]
It's okay! Really.
We always manage somehow. Yup, yup! That's the Apex way.
[Simon chuckles, the sound oddly benign, innocent.]
Besides, I've never met any other guys around here with long hair like me! Might help me convince Grace that the whole ponytail thing actually is cool look after all.
no subject
Whatever this is, wherever this is, if he's going to do anything about it, he should at least start gathering some information.]
The Apex. You said that was a group. What is it? What's your purpose?
no subject
As members of the Apex, it's our responsibility to keep passengers safe by helping them harness their true power.
[cool it sasuke uchiha]
no subject
Passengers? [Simon is the first person he's seen here so far. He hadn't even known there were others.]